One of those days

Today has just been one of those days. The weather was beautiful, and so this morning we accompanied some friends to the park.  It was a perfect, lovely morning. But when it was time to go, things turned sour. I had told the boys they had ten more minutes to play, but then they started throwing sand. I am very strict about that, and they had already had a warning earlier in the day.  So I packed Griffin into the stroller and called Gavin to climb in. His wild man tantrum began immediately. He was screaming, cry, and hitting me as I gathered up the sand toys.
"We will promise not to throw sand again!" was his cry. But I wasn't about to give in with such a ridiculous tantrum.  There were about five mothers I didn't know standing there just staring at us. One said,
"Wow he is violent!"  I have been trying really hard lately not to give in to him in situations like this. So I ignored the moms, ignored Gavin's tantrum, stuck to my guns and started my short walk home. He cried and screamed, and thrashed the entire way home. It was actually comical to see how out of control he was. It was far beyond the normal Gavin tantrum. We made it home and upstairs, and the tantrum continued. After trying to reason with him, and failing, I choose to ignore him. It continued on for forty five minutes! I think it was a new record for him.  He finally gave in and came to me. I put my arms around him, gave him a hug and a kiss, and sat down for story time before naps.
When neither boy fell asleep for naps I knew our afternoon would be an adventure. After an hour I gave up and decided to play with them. We played pirates and Candy land, and then started on some puzzles when tantrum number two erupted. Gavin asked me to point the the puzzle piece I had pointed at before. I had no idea what he was talking about and once again he totally and completely snapped. This tantrum lasted about twenty minutes, but was equal in force to the first.
Just after he calmed down we decided to go outside to ride bikes.  I felt like I needed to get them outside for my own sanity. Right then Griffin squatted in his I am doing my business pose, so I told Gavin we had to wait to go outside until Griffin was finished pooping. After a minute or two of patient waiting Gavin asked Griffin,
"Are you done pooping Griffin?" When there was no answer Gavin ran and tackled Griffin to the ground. As his bum hit the ground poop squirted up his back and splattered across the carpet. I let out a scream and ran to them, but not before their wrestling match rolled right through the poop. Amazingly Griffin had the least amount on him of the two boys. Gavin's clothes were covered! I sent Gavin into the bathroom and quickly changed Griffin. I was going to stick them both in the bath when Gavin started tantrum number three at the mention of a bath.
"But you said we could go ride bikes!" I gave into this one. I didn't think I could physically get him in the bath and wash him without hurting my belly. You win some you loose some.
After cleaning up the boys and the carpet, we headed outside. I breathed in the fresh air and it was a welcome relief to be outside again. They usually play really nice outside so I settled down in a chair with my kindle to catch a break. Not long after we went outside the older neighbor girls got on their bikes. They zoomed out of the courtyard, onto the street, and into the parking lot. Now my boys know they are not allowed to go there, but Gavin was in a defiant mood. He looked back at me, started to laugh, and went as fast as he could after them. I tell you what, he is getting fast on his balance bike. It was not easy to catch up, and I was mad. This was not just frustrating, but completely dangerous. Our outside time was over, and his laughs soon turned into tantrum number four. I got the boys inside, locked the chain on the front door so they couldn't escape, left Gavin screaming and flailing and walked straight for my bed with tears running down my cheeks. I curled up on my bed and wondered how in the world I was going to survive the next three hours until bedtime. I felt so bad for my neighbors and was planning what sort of cookie I should make to take around as an apology for them having to listen to this all day.  I felt utterly and completely wasted, and at a total loss at what to do.
Just then a happy little Griffin ran into my room. He laughed and said,
"Mommy sleeping!" and pulled himself up on the bed. He climbed over me and immediately started patting my cheeks and kissing my forehead with a big cheesy grin on his face. He curled right up with me and snuggled me just when I needed it. The tears stopped and I lay still and let him kiss and poke me all over, just enjoying his little giggle. And then we continued to lay there while he talked non stop about Henry and Gordon the trains, and the big elephant that knocked on our door and sprayed water all over. For over ten minutes he laughed, kissed, cuddled, and talked. It instantly melted my frustration and replaced it with gratitude for my sweet little boys and the chance I have to be their mother.  Gavin's screams quieted and soon he meekly came into my room. I stiffened, not ready to give up my tender moment with Griffin, but relaxed as Gavin slowly climbed up onto the bed. I looked over at his red and tear stained face, and realized he needed a calm love too. I pulled him down beside me, and he cuddled right up. His breath was still shaky, but it started to calm as I rubbed his back and kissed his head. I said a little pray and thanked Heavenly Father for sending me this moment of peace and reflection when I so needed it.
After several more minutes of cuddling we got up and faced the rest of the evening with a renewed spirit. I knew I could make it through whatever else lay ahead this evening. As we were getting ready for baths, I was sitting down by the tub while Gavin climbed on the toilet. Somehow things were pointed the wrong way and when I looked up I got a face full of pee. I had to laugh.  It has just been one of those days.      

What not to say to pregnant women

About four weeks before I delivered Griffin

A few weeks ago I ran into an acquaintance I had not seen for over a month. She politely asked how I was feeling and when I was due. When I said the end of March, she looked up with surprise and said something I have never heard in a pregnancy before,
"Wow, you look so small!  I would have guess you were due in May." It made my day. I am one of those women that gets huge during pregnancy. I don't retain water and swell all over like some, it is just my belly, serious bowling ball from six months on. Up until a few weeks ago I have felt smaller than with my other pregnancies. But that is no longer the case. I am pretty sure I am getting as big as ever.  I think it just took me a little longer to really pop.
Anyway, I thought it was so funny to have someone tell me I looked smaller for the first time ever, I came home and told my hubby about it. Without even thinking he said,

"She probably just has tact and good social cues."  I made an over exaggerated gasp and laughed out loud. He turned bright red and started back peddling as fast as he could. But alas I had to agree with him, for it was the next day that the normal questions and comments started pouring in. I have had some real doozies during my three pregnancies. Luckily most of the time I just laugh at them. But I know some women don't.  So here is a list of things people have said to me that should not be said to any pregnant woman. Ever.  Tact and common courtesy shouldn't be dismissed just because someone is pregnant. So without further ado, my list of no nos:

• "You must be over due."
• "You look like you have been ready to pop for a long time."
• "You must be due any day!" 

Never assume a pregnant woman is at or over her due date, because if she still has a few weeks/months to go you might all be embarrassed.

• "You look miserable!" 
• "That is the biggest belly I have ever seen."
• "I bet you get a lot of stretch marks."

Why thank you for letting me know I look as miserable as I feel! You don't feel pretty when you are so large, but you don't need the world to point out how horrible you look! If the statement is made out of concern, a much better way to ask would simply be, "how are you feeling?"

• "Wow! You still have two months to go? That is going to be one HUGE baby!"
• "Twins or triplets?"
• "I hope you get to have a C-section. I wouldn't want to have to deliver whatever baby is that big." 

No pregnant woman needs to know that the world really does notice that she is as big as she feels.

Oh I laughed out loud as I typed this. I seriously am constantly amazed at people. I probably have heard more ridiculous comments that I can't remember right now.  What is it about pregnancy that makes tact fly out the window?

So my advice to all, when you see a pregnant woman, tell her she looks beautiful. Tell her she is smaller than you think. Tell her she is glowing with that beautiful pregnancy glow.  You just might make her day.

Baby Story Number Two

 Griffin's birth was so different from Gavin's. It leaves me a little scared and curious about what lies ahead in just a few months! Again I had fun going and reading Jim's account of my second labor and delivery. So I thought I would re-post it here, and add my own account in the mix. There may be more details than you want. You have been warned. 

Kathie's mother was in town on good faith that the baby would be born sometime during her visit.  Since she was leaving Monday, we were against the clock, and were worried that she might leave before Griffin made his grand appearance.  Kathie had strong enough contractions on Friday morning that she asked me to stay home from school, feeling pretty confident that she'd be going into labor within the day.  By lunchtime, they had completely gone away, and Kathie was frustrated that it was looking like a false alarm.

 I was so mad. We were sure we had timed my mom's visit so that she would be here to take care of Gavin when the baby came. I just wanted it to be the day! I didn't feel one contraction the rest of the day, until after my water broke.

Just to give nature a little push from behind, Kathie did a few sets of stairs and then walked around at Ikea for an hour or so.  About a half hour after returning, her water broke.  I've never seen anybody's water break before, so this was a first for me.  I knew I needed to get a towel  but was frozen in place for a minute in fascination with what was happening.

Now I have heard friend's stories of their water breaking and it just being a little trickle. One of my friends didn't even know her water had broken. Oh this was not the case for me. I was sitting on the edge of my mother's blow up bed and suddenly I felt something pop inside of me.  It almost felt like someone had snapped a rubber band inside of my belly. It was so weird I immediately stood up wondering what in the world just happened. And then Niagara Falls was running through my house. They called me the water lady when my water broke with Gavin because they had never seen so much water, and I would dare to say they would have said the same things again if I had been at the hospital. My mucus plug also came out with the water, and that was pretty much the weirdest thing I have ever seen in my life (sorry for too much information here.)  It was the size of a tennis ball and so gross. I wish I had a picture to capture Jim's face as he stood frozen in amazement  I laugh just thinking about it right now. Even after my water broke I didn't feel any contractions for several minutes. I wanted to hop in the shower because I felt so disgusting, but my mother was wise and told me to get in the car right away.

Fortunately, we were all packed and prepared with overnight bags, an installed car seat, and a full tank of gas.  We left for the hospital about 10 minutes after her water broke (4:45pm).  By the time we arrived downtown, did some quick paperwork, got checked in, it was about 5:45.    During the drive down, Kathie only had a few contractions, which she described as relatively mild.  But her very first examination from the doctor about 20 minutes later revealed that she was already at a 7 and 100% effaced!  

It was so weird to be rushing to the hospital and only feeling one or two contractions on the way. I did however, continue to have gushing moments. I was in total shock that there could be any water left in me. But it kept coming every time me or the baby moved. I felt almost totally fine while we were checking in. The contractions were starting to come but they were not that bad. But in the short wheel chair ride from the front desk to my room, the contractions went from being mildly obnoxious, to taking my breath away with severity. I got settled in to my bed and the nurse started to ask me questions. By this point, although only about ten minutes later, I couldn't even concentrate on what she was saying. I was in so much pain and it never went way. My contractions were now overlapping. I asked for an epidural and she responded quite rudely. She even made Jim go sit down on the other side of the room. I remember thinking everything she did seemed to be in slow motion. She wasn't in a rush because ten minutes ago, I wasn't in a rush. But now, I wanted to punch her. She would not listen to me tell her how much pain I was in. I thought at this point I was going to start throwing up again. One of the other nurses saw and brought a huge box fan and set it up to blow right in my face. She was my hero. It literally saved me from vomiting like I did with Gavin. 

Kathie wanted an epidural  (I was surprised that it wasn't too late), and they quickly put in the orders for the anesthesiologist.  He put the epidural in about 6:30 pm.   Meanwhile, Kathie was in a lot of pain and contractions were getting worse.  For whatever reason, the epidural never worked . . . at all.  Kathie never felt numbness or relief anywhere.  Since she was still in considerable pain at this point, there were going to take some other measures, but it was too late.  The baby was crowning and it was time to push.

The rude nurse was shocked when the doctor checked me and I was at a seven. She put in for an epidural and to my relief the anesthesiologist came right away. However, he was accompanied by a resident. I felt the needle go in my back, something I don't remember with Gavin. It hurt! And then I heard the doctor say something like,
"You were suppose to wait three minutes to do that, but hopefully it will be okay."  But it wasn't. I waited for that sweet relief to come. Luckily somewhere in the middle of it all I got a new nurse that was awesome. They told me to relax and let the meds help me. But I started to panic.
"it is not working! It isn't changing anything!" I was yelling. They told me to wait. And I did, but nothing changed, it just kept getting worse. They finally believed me that it wasn't helping and said that the epidural must not have taken, but by this point it was too late. There would be no epidural for me. I spit a mouth full of ice chips right in Jim's face. Sorry hun.  And that is when I panicked. I was not prepared for a natural birth. I had never considered it a possibility. At this point I was dilated to an eight. It took me hours to move from an eight to a ten with Gavin. I thought about that and started to hyperventilate. My new awesome nurse came right to my side to calm me down. Somehow she got me to start breathing normal again. I don't remember what she said or did, but it she was my little angle. I am pretty sure I was sobbing by this point. I started to pray with all my heart that it could go fast. I knew I couldn't wait through that pain hours more.  I had no relief because my contractions were on top of each other. I felt so out of control of everything in that moment.  I just had to endure whatever happened to me with no choice in the matter. That is a hard situation to be in. I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to help me through it and make him come fast. My prayer was answered almost immediately. I told them I needed to push. The doctor had only checked me minutes before, so they all told me to wait and he would check me again in a little while. But there was no way I could wait. The nurse took a look and immediately called the doctor back in. Griffin was out in four pushes. I always thought the movies were so fake where the woman screams while pushing. Well they aren't. You have to scream to be able to push. It was amazing and horrifying all at the same time.

Less than 5 minutes later, I was holding my second baby boy in my arms.   From water breaking at the apartment at 4:45p to time of birth at 7:29p, those 2.5 hours were probably the fastest of my life, and the longest of Kathie's.  

Jim got that part right for sure. After relief came and contractions slowed, I was much more aware than I was after Gavin was born. I remember looking at the clock and being shocked at how little time had really past. I was sure it was close to midnight, but it was only about 8:00. But with pain like that every second had felt like an hour. I felt a sense of accomplishment that I didn't have with Gavin. I had survived an unintended natural labor, I may not have done it very gracefully, but I did it. And Griffin was as beautiful and precious as could be.

Everything that could have been different was different with my two labors. They were polar opposites, and that is what made it the most frightening. So many people say how lucky I was to have such a fast labor, and I understand what they mean, however it was so incredible crazy. Everything felt out of control. As I talk about these two experiences people ask which I would rather do again, and I can't tell you what I prefer  The recovery was much harder for Gavin, but Griffin's was just crazy and felt so overwhelmingly out of control. I honestly can't choose. I am hoping that baby number three with be the best experience, that all will go according to plan. However, this time I will be mentally ready for a natural birth, just in case.

 Griffin Scott Gwilliam was born 7:29 pm on a Friday evening it 2010  He measured 20 inches long and weighed 7 lbs 2 oz. 

A positive test

Just a day before the positive test

My husband and I always knew we wanted our first two kid to be close in age. When Gavin was about five months old my hubby told me he was ready to try for another one. I laughed at him, but it is a conversation we had many times after that. I wanted them to be no closer than eighteen months. When Gavin was nine months old it seemed totally crazy to start trying for another. We still had a baby! But I thought it would take a while to get pregnant so we decided to start trying. Much to our surprise it took no time at all. We went home to Utah for the Christmas of 2009 and I was just feeling off. I had a massive headache and decided to take a pregnancy test to make sure it was okay for me to take meds. My gut was telling me I was pregnant, while my head was saying there was no way it had happened already.
I went to the bathroom and was mixed with relief and disappointment when I didn't see the line appear instantly. The tests usually say to wait three minutes, but with Gavin it had shown up instantly. So after about a minute I tossed it in the trash and walked out of the bathroom. I started getting ready for our night out. The headache was still raging so I wanted to grab some Excedrin from my mom. I walked down the hall to ask her for some, when I had the feeling that I should go check the test once more since it had now been much longer than three minutes.

Much to my surprise, there was a faint line where there hadn't been one before. I was shocked. I called Jim in to look at it to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Jim was excited and pulled me in for a big hug and kiss. He was genuinely thrilled with the news. My first thoughts however, went to labor. I was momentarily terrified because I was going to have to do that again. I do not seem to be affected by birth amnesia like some moms claim to have.  My next thoughts were those along the lines of
"I just got my body back and now I start all over."  And since Gavin was still sleeping horribly,
"How am I going to ever sleep again?"
As quickly as those thoughts came to mind, guilt swept in for thinking them. After all it had happened fast, but it wasn't unplanned. We hoped for two kids close together and I was getting what I wanted. Plus, a baby is always a blessing. The shocked stayed around for a couple of days, accompanied by the anxiety and guilt. But the more we talked about it, the more comfortable I was feeling. I became excited to start the process of pregnancy that I had found so amazing the first time all over again.  I was excited to have another new born. I was excited that my first two would be close in age, and I kept imagining two little boys that would be the best of friends.
As the months went by and my excitement grew, I still felt fear at what labor would bring. And that fear made me feel like a bad mother. Yes labor with Gavin was a difficult experience for me, but it was worth it. I would relive that day ten times again if I had to to get him here. So why was I letting that fear compete with my excitement for the new baby? If I was a good mother, none of it should matter. That little thought hung in the back of my mind for a long time.

The day Griffin was born was another traumatic experience, but in a whole different way from Gavin. I started fearing what my third labor will be like almost the minute my second was over. But as I loved that little newborn Griffin, the guilt for my fear was gone. I realized it is okay to be a little afraid of things that won't be easy, and I realized that that is what sacrifice is all about. We don't have to look forward to the difficult things we will face in life. As a mother, you don't have to be excited about  labor and  delivery, sleepless nights, extra baby weight, stretch marks, and heart burn. You don't have to be excited for temper tantrums, and grumpy teething babies.  But doing it anyway, choosing to be a mother despite the tough or scary things ahead, is what starts us on the path to becoming great mothers.

Quiet Book Number One

When Gavin was only a couple of months old I decided I wanted to make a quiet book. I remember seeing some when I was little and thinking they were so cool. I figured it would be a great project to work on while Jim was so busy with school. I was right!  I have had so much fun creating quiet book pages, and it was a worthy project. My boys love it during church. We don't play with it every day, so when it comes out they are excited.
When I started this project I had no clue about sewing. I had not touched a sewing machine since seventh grade TLC class. So we bought the cheapest sewing machine we could find, the Singer Pixie.  Now for about $40 it has worked and lasted me three years. I hope to get a better sewing machine in the future but it was small, easy to use, and perfect for someone who didn't know what they were doing. I researched on the internet and found this blog, How to Make a Quiet Book.  I followed all her directions to get me started. It really was a life saver. Now my pages are not perfect, and some are still a little incomplete, but It was so much fun to make and my boys don't care about the imperfections. So here are the pages of my first quiet book. Please excuse the horrible pictures.

The stocking page
I needed another holiday page to go on the back of my next pages. I made this stocking thinking it would be something I could easily switch around it's contents. You could put treats, small games or toys, or really anything inside. Currently I have a bunch of laminated Christmas pictures inside. My boys are little so this was a great way to introduce them to all things Christmas. They love pulling the pictures out of the stocking and this simple page keeps them surprisingly entertained.

Next comes the Nativity. The Green hill is a big pocket holding finger puppets. The star comes off and is attached with velcro.
 

Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, the angel, and the cow were finger puppets we were given by Grandma. I created the wise men, shepherd, and sheep.
 

Next is the Christmas tree and pumpkin.
 

I sewed eye hooks onto sparkly buttons for ornaments. They are stored in the present. My boys love this page. My two year old needs help, but my three year old can do the eye hooks. The pumpkin has lots of shapes to velcro on to create different faces.
 

The turkey page is simple, but both my boys love it. In, it might be the page my two year old plays with the most. He loves pulling the feathers all off and putting them back on. And of course the car page is a big hit. I had always planned on making it a two page spread, but just never did.
 

The boys are too little to tie, but they can lace the shoe, although it is not a favorite page. The bead page is surprisingly popular. They love sliding them back and forth, saying the patterns, and counting the beads.
 

The shapes snap on and off. Neither boy can do the snaps yet, so they usually pull them off and I put them back on. The house page is a lift the flap page that holds pictures behind all the flaps.
 

Noah's ark is a page that everyone does, but is fun. I made animal finger puppets to put inside, but they probably love doing the zipper the most.  The number just velcro on and off.
 

Jonah and the whale and Story Time
 

The whale's mouth is a pocket so he can swollow Jonah. The books have a little piece of velcro to hold them into the pockets.
 

ABC page, once again just velcro.
 

The farm and barnyard are another favorite of the boys.
 

They love the finger puppets.
 

The mail page, I keep stickers, paper, envelopes, etc. in the pocket. Then they can "mail" it to Grandma.
 

The space page is a favorite for sure.
 

Again it is very simple. The rocket slides up the ribbon and the planets and alien are just velcro so they can move around.
 

Making the cover was my most intimidating thing to make. It felt like real sewing, and I don't know what I am doing. But I found a simple tutorial that was really easy to follow. I was very please with how it turned out. There is a pocket on the back that I stick paper, small books, and lacing cards in.
 

And it is closes with a velcro strap.
 

Now there are so many imperfections and things I would do different if I did all these pages over again, but it doesn't matter. My boys love it, I love it, and it was a ton of fun to make.  I have so many more ideas and have found more great ideas online, so I started a second book that I am doing with felt. I found the felt pages to be much more sturdy and easier to work with. I will post all those pages sometime soon. I must say there is something that is very rewarding about creating something with your own two hands and seeing it being used and loved. I am now addicted to quiet book pages.