A baby story

My sister-in-law is about to have her first baby any day. I have been thinking about her and reflecting back on my own birth experiences. I hope she has a better experience than I did.  I just went back on my family blog and looked at Gavin's birth story written by Jim. Hahaha. Men and women experience things so differently. Here is how he described the day:

Kathie had her weekly checkup on Wednesday afternoon. After doing the exam, the doctor reluctantly told us he was confident we were a couple weeks away based on her current dilation and station, effacement, etc. That seemed to make perfect sense considering the due date was . . . two weeks away. ;)Early the next morning Kathie began feeling contractions that were a bit different than normal. They didn't go away when she changed activity or drank a couple glasses of water. I decided considering this news that I probably shouldn't go into school for the days events. Turned out to be a good decision. Her contractions started getting so regular and consistent (every five minutes for an hour) that we went down to the hosptial. When we got there, they did an exam, and then turned us away saying basically that she "wasn't in enough pain." We drove back home but the pains just kept getting worse. Once we got home, Kathie was in so much pain, we just decided to go right back down.Turns out we should have just waited downstairs in the lobby for an hour, because when we came back for the second time, she was dilated to a 5 and they admitted us immediately. Everything went very well during the labor and delivery. We are so happy that little Gavin made it to us healthy and well. What a wonderful blessing he is to our family.

Well, I would not say that everything went well. It was the hardest most exhausting day of my life, well worth the blessing that came, but not in any way easy.  I wanted to document my experience in my own words. I have always enjoyed reading other people's birth stories, so I thought I would share it on here. Be prepared, I will go into details, so if you don't like that kind of thing, don't read on.

Waiting for the contractions to get closer together

What Jim said about the appointment was spot on. However he did leave out the fact that that night I stayed up until 1:00 am washing baby clothes, taking pictures, and blogging about my baby showers. Big mistake. Any mother's waiting to go in to labor, go to bed early every night! It was only two and a half hours later that my contractions started.  At 3:30 am they were about seven minutes apart and so I would wake up, have a contraction, barely dose off again and then the next one would start. I did jumping jacks and drank orange juice hoping to make them stop, but nothing worked. At 6:00 am I finally woke up Jim and told him I thought I might be in labor. He opened up a spread sheet and like a true computer nerd started keeping track of my contractions. They stayed between five and seven minutes for several hours. Around 9:00 we called down to the hospital. They told us to come in when they were consistently 5 minutes apart for one hour. So at about 11:00 we got in the car and headed to the hospital. I was so afraid of being turned away that we made sure they really were that close. However when we got there, they were crowded and took me in some little room. I am not one to yell and cry to the world about my pain so I just tried to calmly sit there. The nurse came in and basically told me I didn't look like I was in labor. I was dilated to a three, and I was having consistent contractions, but they didn't look bad. She said if I was really in labor I shouldn't be able to talk through my contractions. So she sent me home and told me to come back next week at my appointment. I was so mad. It is not like I jumped in the car at the first contraction. I had been contracting for eight hours already! Couldn't they just tell me to take a walk around the hospital for an hour and then they would check me again? As I got to the waiting area and sat down to wait for Jim to go get the car I started to cry. The pain was getting worse and I was on my way home! By the time we got back to our apartment the contractions were very uncomfortable and I was crying again. I called my mom and sister and they told me to go back. So after about five minutes of being home we headed back to the hospital.
By this time I was getting very sick. They checked me in and were much more attentive this time. I began throwing up between each contraction, that were now just three to four minutes apart. The first nurse that checked me even came in my room and said, "oh now you look like you're in labor!" I wanted to punch her in the face. My nurse that was assigned to me was so wonderful though. She paged the anesthesiologist at least five times trying to get him there as fast as possible. Because of my vomiting, they had to do the epidural during my contractions because I could hold more still  through the contraction then when I was dry heaving. But oh that sweet sweet epidural. I think it is the best invention in the world. Within a minute I had complete relief.

I was so exhausted from so little sleep, so many hours of contracting, and all the vomiting, I basically passed out as soon as the meds hit my system. It was the most glorious and welcome rest, until only minutes later I was woken up by about ten doctor's in my room and an alarm sounding. They were rolling me over and making me get up on my hands and knees. I was so confused and angry because I all wanted was that sleep I had just entered into. Apparently Gavin's heart rate dropped significantly. This happened multiple times. After the third time all hopes of sleep were now gone and I had to lay on my back with a oxygen mask on. It was so awkward, but at least I wasn't in pain because of the wonderful epidural. The rest of the evening was just a big waiting game. I was so exhausted but sleep wouldn't come. Most of all I wanted a drink of water. I was throwing up for almost an hour and they wouldn't even let me drink some water, just a few ice chips. With the epidural my contractions started to slow and I stopped progressing. They decided to break my water to get things moving again. This is where I became famous. They had their normal towels ready to catch the water, but nothing could contain the ocean that exploded when they broke my water. It was insane! It kept coming and coming and coming and the nurses were shocked! It went off the table and covered the entire floor. They told me they had never seen so much water in one person before. For the rest of my stay at the hospital I was known as "the water lady." Then it was more waiting. And finally they decided to hook me up to pitocine. Our families were going nuts and were worried because we didn't give them updates often enough, but there just wasn't anything to update on.
Finally I was getting uncomfortable again, although this was just pressure that the epidural wouldn't take away. I felt like I needed to push. The doctor came in and said I was ready and at a ten, except there was one corner of my cervix that had not softened. She told me I couldn't push or I could cause serious damage. I had to hold Gavin in and resist the urge to push for an hour! Anyone who has experienced that urge can imagine how hard that was. It was the hardest part of the whole experience. They kept massaging the cervix and an hour later the corner gave in. Finally I could push. It was now about 10:00 pm. I had only had two and a half hours of sleep, no food or water, and my body was in complete and utter exhaustion. I was pushing with all I had and really didn't know how I could do it. And then my contractions stopped, seven minutes went by and they had to give me a big dose of pitocin again. It was becoming the never ending labor. I just wanted my baby here and safe and to go to sleep. It finally picked up again, and an hour after the pushing started my sweet beautiful baby boy was born at 10:58 pm.

I collapsed on the bed and watched from a distance as they washed him, weighed him, and did all his tests. It felt like an out of body experience as I watched. I was so tired all emotion seemed to be zapped from me as well. It didn't feel like it was my husband and baby that I was watching. I felt like I was looking into some strangers life. And then I held him, and I felt completely overwhelmed. I couldn't believe this tiny beautiful boy was mine. I couldn't believe all those months and days, and the horrible long day I had just been through had produced this sweet innocent, straight from heaven little spirit.  And then I was overwhelmed with fear, and a little panic. I was so out of it I was afraid I was going to drop him. I was so afraid they were going to make me take him with me immediately, when I felt like I didn't even have the strength left in me to hold him. I was terrified because all I wanted was to go to sleep. I was trembling and no amount of heated blankets could get it under control. It was exhaustion like I had never experienced in my life and I felt like I had no control over my mind or body. And then I felt like the worst mother in the world.

self portrait he took while waiting in the hospital

But I had one amazing thing by my side, my sweet sweet husband. Jim stayed the night, and I knew he was with it. I knew he could do, what I couldn't do. I knew he had the strength and mental capacity to handle all that I couldn't at the moment.  I knew he could take in Gavin's stats and his first breath and that he would remember it all. I knew he could hold him and love him. And he did.
They ended up taking Gavin to the nursery for the night because his blood sugar was low. I think that was a small blessing for me. It took the guilt of just wanting to sleep away. Sometime after midnight I was able to eat a few bites of food and finally close my eyes and fall into an instantaneous deep sleep. I was awoken a few hours later when they brought Gavin in to nurse. I was groggy, but much more aware than right after delivery. It was the moment I had dreamed right after birth would be like. The exhaustion was no longer taking over my mind. I took him in my arms and I could actually feel his warmth and breath.  My head was once again my own. I could take in that sweet new baby smell. I could examine all his tiny parts in the dark of the night. I could feel him settle in against my skin. It was a beautiful moment that was completely and utterly mine. Jim was asleep on the couch, and it was just me and my new baby. The love and emotion was stronger than I could ever express. Everything was worth it. He was perfect and he was mine.