The cuddle

The other afternoon Griffin woke up before Gavin. He was still pretty out of it, so we just cuddled on the couch. It was the best ten minutes of my day. It is these little moments that make every challenge of being a mother so worth it. There is nothing like cuddling with your baby.

Fly Away

We are getting ready to head out to the airport. I am flying alone with the boys. Wish me luck!

Kindness of a stranger

Today I was very grateful for the kindness of a stranger.  We were playing at the park, having a blast, when Gavin stepped on something and started screaming at the top of his lungs.  I had seen a few bees around and immediately thought he had been stung.  We were at a huge park and had wandered far away from the playgrounds were we had left our shoes and sand toys.  I picked him up, loved him as best I could, and started heading back towards our stuff. Griffin decided he didn't want to walk and sat down on the ground and started yelling "up!" Gavin was still crying and wouldn't walk. I looked at our path and was wondering how in the world I was going to carry both of them that far. I looked at Griffin and said "Please get up, I can't carry you both!" A man sitting on a bench near by jumped up and came over to offer his assistance. I gratefully accepted. I didn't know how Griffin would react, but as the man picked him up, he just looked at him and said "hi!" The man carried Griffin all the way across the park for me. Gavin was so interested in who this stranger was, he stopped crying as we walked, and just looked at the man. The man told me how cute the boys were and to enjoy every minute because it goes by in the blink of an eye. I don't know his name, or what he does for a living.  I don't know how many children he has or if he has any grandchildren. But I do know he had a very kind heart. I do know that that small act of carrying my little boy was a huge help to me. I will always be thankful for that simple service.
I think sometimes when we watch the news and hear about the horrible things in this world it is easy to think that the good is gone. But the reality is that there is so much good all around us, and I think it is most evident in the small moments we serve each other. I think the good is especially brought out around young children. I have seen it so much more as a mother. I can't count how many times a stranger has helped me with my kids. So many times when I have been alone at airport security someone has stepped up to hold a baby, or put my stroller on the table for me. In March when I flew by myself with the boys, the plane was a little bumpy and Gavin was scared out of his mind, the lady sitting in our row held Griffin and let him play with her iPhone the entire flight. At the grocery store people play peek-a-boo with the boys when they are getting restless waiting in the line to check out. These may seem like simple things, but to me they are lifesavers. I am so grateful for all the kind hearts in the world. I hope I can more often recognize when someone needs a hand. I hope I can pay it forward and be someone else's kind stranger someday.  

Speed eating

When I first got married, my brother-in-law's wife and I were always the last two eating at family dinners. My husband and his brothers ate so fast, we didn't think they could possibly enjoy their food.  We would have 3/4 of our plate left when they were finished. We always teased them about it.
A few nights ago, my husband and I sat down to dinner.  I got the boys their food, dished up Jim and I's plates, and we "enjoyed" a nice family dinner together. Even with getting up to get something for the boys at least three times, I finished my plate well before Jim.  He looked over at my plate, and this time it was him commenting in amazement at the speed in which I had eaten. I looked over and realized I have become what I made fun of. Eating fast as a mom is pretty much the only way to survive sometimes.  Today I prepared both boys lunches, got them eating, then prepared mine, ate it, and unloaded the dishwasher before they were finished.  Meal time is precious time, because Griffin is in his high chair and can't get into trouble, and Gavin is preoccupied and doesn't need me to play with him. So I can honestly say I am the master speed eater. I hope one day I will be able to slow it down and enjoy a meal again. But for now I will take on anyone in a speed eating contest. I bet I could win.

Sweet moment

One morning while I was getting ready Gavin sat outside the bathroom and read a book he memorized to Griffin. I love these sweet moments.

Guest post

I wrote a guest post for my friend Emily's blog, A Precious Mess.  It is posted today. Go check it out!

Check me out

The other day I was stuck in rush hour traffic which was worse than usual because of an accident.  I am not sure what it is, but my boys can drive twelve hours straight on the freeway with hardly a peep, but 30 minutes in stop and go traffic is something they just can't handle.  Gavin was getting particularly restless and whiny.  I kept turning around to talk to him, grab his sippy cup, hand him his car, you get the point, when I look at the car next to me full of four attractive young men.  They were probably in their early twenties.  The two in the front seat were smiling in my direction.  One guy lifted a hand and waved while the other gave a nod, you know, the nod guys used in high school.  I looked behind me to see who they were looking at, and it finally dawned on me that it was me!  I didn't even acknowledge them as I absentmindedly reached up and touched my hair, and smiled because I realized I had styled my hair today, which doesn't always happen.  Then I looked down at my shirt and saw chocolate milk spots and a dried snot streak and I burst out laughing.  I am sure they thought I was checking them out with all my head turns to their direction.  If only they could have seen the whole picture I am sure there would have been no nodding.  So many times as a mom I feel completely unattractive.  Mornings are a precious time at our house and I often have to choose between doing my hair and make up, and something else more "important" while my boys are still mellow and content.  We are poor college students so my wardrobe often feels lacking.  It just seems like a rarity that I really feel put together. It is my dream to have someone submit my name to "What Not to Wear" so I can have a total makeover. So today it felt good to feel noticed.  Even if it was a misunderstanding, and there is a good possibility they were mocking me.  But I am going to choose to think they weren't, and that they were oblivious to the two car seats in the back because they were totally smitten with my beauty.

The Santa card

Yes you read the title right. I am talking about Santa Clause. In the middle of July. Gavin is obsessed.  Oh last Christmas was magical. The first time Gavin saw Santa, Mr. Claus was walking into a mall, ready to take his seat in the Christmas throne. Gavin was about to burst with delight.  Oh how he loves Santa with all his heart. For months after Christmas he talked about Santa, thought about Santa, and dreamed about Santa. It finally started to slow down a month or two ago, until now.
The other morning I had to get ready to go. My boys like lots of attention, and when my focus is on something else, cleaning, cooking, doing my hair, or anything other than them, Gavin tends to get wild and crazy, and unfortunately mean. He knows he will get attention if he hurts Griffin, or throws things. I am a little stuck on how to deal with this problem.  Anyway, back to my story.  Gavin was torturing his little brother, and there were a few tears and lots of screaming. When I approached him there was no apologetic frown, just a mischievously grinning little boy, ready and waiting to be chased.  No time outs, discussions on right and wrong choices, or toy distraction had worked, and I was in a hurry to finish getting things ready to go.  Out of desperation I said in a matter-of-fact voice, "Santa isn't going to bring you any presents if you aren't being nice!"   Gavin stopped right in his tracks.  The grin was instantly wiped off his face and desperation replaced it.  "I am going to be nice.  He will bring me presents!" was his heart broken reply. The discussion of right and wrong from earlier that didn't sink in, suddenly came out again, but this time it hit listening ears.  He would do anything for Santa, and to think Santa might be watching was almost more than he could bare. He quickly picked up the toys and didn't touch his brother again the whole morning. The effect lasted for a few days, and Santa was on the front of his mind at all times.
Now this wasn't my finest parenting moment, and I don't endorse threatening children, but in my mind it was better than me loosing my cool with my three year old.  Sometimes we don't have the time or resources to parent the "right way."  Desperate times call for desperate measures, and today I am grateful for Santa Claus.  I will keep the Santa card in my back pocket, and use it only in extreme circumstances.  I give you permission to do the same.

The workout gone bad

I find it so hard to fit in exercise as a mom of young kids. A group of ladies from my church meet at a local high school Monday mornings with all their kids and walk/run the track, so I was excited to start participating. The first few weeks I went were great.  I could power walk while pushing my non running stroller, talk with friends, and jog a few laps around the track.  It was great motivation, and working out is always better with friends.  The boys would be pretty content sitting in the stroller, snacking, playing angry birds, and just enjoying the ride.
One day the track coach was running the track and quickly informed us that strollers are not permitted on the track.  Apparently they ruin it. Oops, we didn't know that.  So I got my boys out and thought we would all take a walk.  We made it to the first turn when Griffin sat down and started yelling at his new shoes that have shoe laces.  For some reason he hates them and thinks that when they flop around they are "breaked." I finally convinced him they were not broken and around the turn we went.  We hit the straight and Gavin informed me that he had to use the bathroom really bad and he was going to pee in his underwear.  So we cut across the field to find the bathrooms in the basketball court.  The accident was avoided and back we went to the track.
 Instead of following me on the walk, both boys headed straight for the bleachers.  Here I paused with an internal debate.  Do I let them play while I run?  There are lots of older kids around and they are having fun climbing. All the other mom's just let their kids run free. I'll be able to see them from anywhere on the track right? Griffin's old enough right?  I see another mom feeding a baby and ding!  I bet she would keep an eye on them while I make one lap.  I didn't even reach her before both my boys were yelling at me "come back Mom!  Don't leave. Stay here!"  They were seriously angry and I hadn't even taken five steps away from them.  So I went to talk to Gavin and let him know he could climb and run and have fun with all the other kids while I jogged and that I would be right back. I told him he could even watch me and cheer me on! That conversation was met with more anger and concern to the point that tears were welling up in his eyes.
At this point I let out an exasperated sigh and sat down to watch the boys play on the bleachers.  My eyes wondered to the scene around me.  There were at least eight other moms walking the track.  Most had gone around at least five times since we arrived and I had only done a very slow half lap.  Their kids were chasing each other, laughing, doing jumping jacks, practicing their long jumps, climbing on the bleachers, and playing perfectly fine without their mothers right by their side.  They weren't looking for mom, or crying at her distance.  They didn't seem to even be aware of the distance. It is then that my mind said what is wrong with my kids? Why can't they be normal and want to run away and play on their own?  Don't they want to explore the world around them? Have I unintentionally trained them to be attached to my hip?  I don't have an answer for any of it.
It was then that Gavin proclaimed that he had to pee again.  Really? It had only been five minutes, and the bathrooms were not close.  He won the war and back we headed to the bathrooms.  As we walked to the bathrooms I lectured Gavin on getting all his pee pee out at one time so we don't have to keep going back to the bathroom. I don't think any of it sunk in.
As we washed our hands and stepped back outside, all my motivation to work out was completely gone.  I was grumpy and sulking I decide to give up and head home. Griffin wouldn't walk with his "broken" shoes, so I had to carry him to go get the stroller. But as we walked out his cute little hands kept grabbing my face and his big cheesy grin kept yelling "kiss!"  His puckering lips sure know how to plant them on me.  After about ten kisses my grumpiness was completely melted.  I looked at his cute little face and realize that although having overly attached children can be exhausting, there is nothing in the world like being adored and loved by a child. And I am lucky enough to have two little boys that really do love me.


We arrived home and Gavin headed to the bathroom once again. But this time I chose to turn my annoyance to gratitude that he is finally potty trained.  In that moment I reminded myself that my attitude is a choice. If you look for the good, it is always there. I may not have had a good workout, but we did have chocolate chip cookies waiting for us, and those were better than any workout.

Loving every moment

Five years ago I was a newlywed living in Baltimore, Maryland. I was soaking in being married, and busy dreaming and planning for our future. I met a dear friend who I instantly adored. Kristi was the sweetest person I have ever met.  She had an adorable little two year old girl. I watched them interact together and thought Kristi was the perfect mom.  I remember a conversation we had about motherhood where Kristi told me she had loved every minute of being a mother.  I could see the love just radiated out of her and I knew she meant it.  I remember this day so clearly because I decided that that is the kind of mother I wanted to be.  I wanted to enjoy it, and not get stressed and uptight.  I wanted to love every minute I had with my kids.  I wanted them to be my primary focus.  I wanted to never raise my voice and discipline with kindness. I knew that tough times would come, but I wanted to never complain about my children to others.
Today as I was walking home I thought about that day, as I have many other times. Needless to say, I have not lived up to my original desires.  I have complained, raised my voice, and sometimes lost focus. But during my first two years of motherhood I can honestly say I enjoyed every moment.  Even when Gavin was a horrible sleeper, I wasn't angry or frustrated with him, I just had compassion.  I knew things were hard for him and I wanted to do all I could to help.  Through many ear infection I cuddled that little boy all through the night.  When he had H1N1 flu as a tiny guy, I loved him even more as he was vomiting and so sick. My heart was overwhelmed with compassion. While I didn't enjoy the sickness, I was so grateful that I could be his mother to help him through being so sick.  I lived to be a mom to my sweet little boy.

Griffin came a long, and he was the sweetest, most perfect baby you could ever imagine. But as Gavin grew older he grew more demanding.  He still slept worse than his newborn baby brother, and the lack of sleep started to take it's tole. I started to let homesickness enter. I missed my family and my in-laws and dreamed about being back in Utah where I could have a little help and support.  My husband was gone a lot of late nights for graduate school, and so much of the time, I felt like a single mom.  I saw dear friends move away and I was so jealous of their moving on in life.  I let loneliness replace some of my contentment in motherhood.  Some days I stopped living, and started just surviving.  I bid my time just making it through the day, or week, to the weekend where I knew I would have some adult time. I craved adult interaction and went through the day numbly, not relishing my time with my sweet baby boys. I didn't react to their mistakes with patience and love, but was quick to be annoyed. 

 It didn't take me long to realize I was not happy with how I was living my life.  That is not how I had pictured motherhood.  I loved my boys more than anything, but my heart was not always in it. I kept wishing for the future, instead of enjoying the present. I prayed for help, and realized I had the power to change.  I decided I needed to start living and not just surviving.  I chose to wake up with a purpose.  I switched my focus from pitying my own struggles to finding fun things to experience with my boys.  I tried to find simple ways to serve my husband, to help him through his tough times and let him know I loved him instead of focusing on my sorry lot of missing him all the time.  I joined a book club and loved reading the books and getting together with the ladies once a month.  Oh how a good book can revive one's soul and transplant you to a different world for a while!  I encouraged a group of girls in my church to get a weekly playgroup going again.  I realized that I needed those friendships and interaction for myself so I could be the best mom I could be. And it benefited my sweet little boys to have that interaction with the other children.  When I made the effort, I started to thrive in my roll as a mother, and find great joy in it once again.    
 I learned a great lesson through this experience.  Life is what we make of it.  We can not wait for others to swoop in and save us from our loneliness, or whatever the trial may be.  We have the choice to become what we want to become.  It is up to us to live our lives and find the joy in the journey.  It is up to us to love every moment we are given.  I am definitely not perfect in this goal, so I decided to use this blog to help me find the beauty and joy all around me, and to help me remember to live and love every single moment. When you look for it, there are blessings and joy all around us. Life is precious and can change in the blink of an eye.  I don't want to waist one moment.           

All about me

Hi I am Kathie.

 I am the mother of two little boys, and hopefully more children to come.  I used to say I wanted eight kids when I was a little girl. Can you even imagine?  I always dreamed of being a mom, and now that that dream is a reality I am trying my best to fully enjoy every moment.  I choose to be a stay at home mom and am grateful my husband supports me in that decision.  I am married to a wonderful hard working PhD student, and I know he will go great places in life.  I am excited I get to tag along.


I graduated with my Bachelors in child development, and I use my degree every day.  When the kids grow up I would love go to work as a child life specialist. I grew up dancing, and while I haven't done it in years, I feel like it is still a part of my soul.  I think fresh pineapple is better than candy.  I craved chocolate milk all through my pregnancies, and have passed that love on to my boys.  I don't like to cook, but really wish that I did.  I can't go to bed if the dishwasher hasn't been started. Speaking of bed, there are few things I love more than a good nights sleep. I believe family is the greatest gift we have been given.  I hope to use this blog to remind myself just how great my calling of a mother is.

Thanks for stopping by,

Kathie