Reaching my full potential

A little over four years ago I went to visit an allergist in Baltimore. I was having a hard time sleeping because I was itching so bad. We decided to do a prick test to see what I was allergic to.  It took some time to stick the 20+ needles in my arm and let them sit, so the doc and I had plenty of time to chat. He was probably in his late fifties and very friendly. We chatted about his family, Utah, and more. Of course he asked what had brought us out to the east coast from Utah. I told him about Jim's schooling and my job, and that I would need allergy meds that were okay to take while pregnant because we were  planning to start trying for a baby soon.  He surprised me when he asked why I wasn't going to school. I explained that I had finished my Bachelors right before the move and now I was trying to support Jim in his PhD.  He started to get a little huffy and told me I shouldn't put my husband before myself. He told me I was a smart girl and should have my own goals, and not just follow my husband into his dreams. He then went on to tell me about his amazing wife who was a psychologist who had made a big name for herself. They had waited to have children until they were both established in their careers and then had one daughter. He told me I should really think about kids because I was young and had plenty of time. He warned me that I might loose my potential if I jumped into kids right now.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I found myself a little embarrassed and fumbled over words trying to make my plans seem more appropriate to him. Luckily the test soon ended. As I left he told me to think about myself and what I could become. I smiled and got out of there as fast as I could. As I drove away I felt ashamed of myself. I knew I could do grad school and succeed. And than that shame turned to anger. How dare this stranger tell me what is most important in my life and make me doubt myself. He didn't know Jim and I. He didn't know our beliefs and our plans. How dare he pass that judgement. I never went back to the follow up appointment. 

And now four years later that anger has turned into perspective. I wish I could go back and answer his questions in such a different manner. I wish I could erase my embarrassment and self doubt and let him know what I believe. If you believe that what makes you great, and what makes you reach your full potential is only a career, then he was dead on, I am not going to amount to much. But I don't believe that. I have learned more in three plus years as a mom than I did in any class or job I held before. Being a mother gives me more purpose in life than anything else I have ever done. I have grown and changed more through seeing myself in the eyes of a child than ever before.  I have a deeper desire to be kind, charitable, loving, giving, humble, and prayerful than ever before.  I  believe that having a family refines you and makes you a much better person than anything else in this world can.   I believe it is through families that we can reach our full potential.  The world may disagree with me. To the world my job my seem lowly and unattractive. I may look to some like I have given up on myself, like I have wasted my potential. But that is okay, because I know that in giving of myself, I am becoming more like the person I want to be.